Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Review

When Disney purchased Lucasfilm in 2012, they not only sought to continue the main saga with a sequel trilogy, but also to branch the franchise out with standalone features and even entire series separate from the primary ‘episodes.’ After the sequel trilogy got off to a successful start with The Force Awakens in 2015, the first standalone Star Wars feature, Rogue One, was released the very next year.

Rogue One tells the story of the ragtag group of rebels destined to uncover the plans for the Galactic Empire’s newly-constructed Death Star. These are, of course, the same plans that will eventually end up in possession of R2-D2 and, subsequently, Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars film, A New Hope.

While Rogue One’s focus on connecting its narrative directly into A New Hope may rob it of surprises, it was a good point to start with for the first Star Wars standalone film. It’s familiar enough to make the transition easy, but different enough for it to stand on its own two feet.

The heroine of the story is Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones), a renegade who’s been on the run from the Empire since she was a child. Her father Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelsen) was once a research scientist for the Empire, but defected and went into hiding with his family once he learned of the true devastation of the Death Star he was helping to build. The Ersos were found by the Empire, including their Director of Advanced Weapons Research, Orson Krennic (Ben Mendelsohn). Krennic’s troops kill Jyn’s mother, and take Galen hostage to continue his work on the Death Star. Jyn, meanwhile, slips away, and is found by Rebel extremist Saw Gerrera (Forest Whitaker), who raised her as both a daughter and one of his fighters.

“Castle in the Sky (Hayao Miyazaki, 1986)”

Fast-forward to the present, and an Imperial cargo pilot serving under Galen, Bodhi Rook (Riz Ahmed), defects from the Empire, and delivers a secret message from Galen Erso to Saw Gerrera. When Jyn Erso is finally caught by Imperial forces, she is set free by a band of Rebels. These Rebels are captained by Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) and his droid companion, K2-S0 (voiced by Alan Tudyk…because Disney), who have received word of the Death Star and Galen’s message by an informant. They’ve rescued Jyn to help them retrieve the message from Saw Gerrera, as he’s such an extremist they’ll need someone close to him just to gain an audience with him.

Jyn, Cassian and K2-S0 are eventually joined by Bodhi, as well as Chirut Îmwe (Donnie Yen) – a blind man who draws strength through the Force – and his accomplice, Baze Malbus (Jiang Wen), who was once just as devoted to the Force as Chirut, though now relies more on mercenary weaponry to aide his friend.

Once Jyn sees her long-lost father’s message, she learns that he secretly built a weakness in the Empire’s seemingly indestructible Death Star, and the ‘rogue’ group sets out to retrieve the Death Star plans to give the Rebel Alliance a fighting chance. All the while, Krennic and his forces are hellbent on preventing the plans from falling into Rebel hands.

There are some issues with the plot. Namely, the film features a few sub-plots that don’t end up going anywhere. The most notable example sees Saw Gerrera wiping Bodhi Rook’s memory by means of a Lovecraftian alien, only for Rook to regain his memory the next time he shows up in the film by…having someone recognize him as a pilot. Okay.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story provides a fresh take on Star Wars movies. In deviates away from the hero’s journey format of the series and replaces it with military espionage. In doing so, it separates itself enough from the main series, while still retaining the franchise’s exciting action sequences and epic space battles.

There is a slight double-edged sword aspect to Rogue One’s take on the Galaxy far, far away, however. The film creates an intriguing plot out of a passing reference from A New Hope’s opening crawl, and it’s consistently entertaining. But it’s also a case of an interesting plot coming at the expense of memorable characters. The cast of characters in Rogue One aren’t bad, but their personalities don’t extend beyond what we see of them in their introductions. Star Wars may have always been a series built on archetypes, but it always (well, mostly always) knew how to build upon those archetypes. K2-S0 gets some funny moments, but otherwise, the characters of Rogue One don’t exactly measure up to the main heroes of any of the Star Wars trilogies.

Perhaps the one exception is Director Krennic, who continues in the Star Wars tradition of memorable villains. Contrary to other Star Wars foes, Krennic is neither a wielder of the Dark Side of the Force or a ruthless bounty hunter, but a recognition-hungry survivalist trying to rise the ranks of the Empire. Unfortunately, there is still some missed potential in Krennic. It would have made for a nice change of pace to have an Imperial higher-up in the Star Wars universe who actually believed what he was doing was for some greater good. Such a concept is briefly hinted at during the character’s introduction, when Krennic tells a defiant Galen Erso “we were this close to providing peace and security across the galaxy.” Galen responds with “you’re confusing peace with terror” to which Krennic ultimately retorts “Well, you have to start somewhere.” It’s a brief character moment that suggests there might be more to Krennic than the usual Star Wars villain, that maybe he believes the Death Star to be a necessary evil that – in his mind – would ultimately lead to greater good. But the film robs Krennic of this nuance later on, such as when he comments on how “beautiful” the destruction caused by the Death Star is.

That’s a shame, because it at first looks like Rogue One is painting things with a gray sense of morality not usually seen in Star Wars. Cassian Andor – a Rebel – kills one of his informants in cold blood during his introductory scene. Later, Rebels bomb an Imperial facility filled with scientists who are only there under duress. We see the darker side of the Rebellion in Rogue One, but we still can’t get an Imperial villain who isn’t cartoonishly evil?

This is especially curious when you consider that Rogue One brings back two classic Star Wars villains: Darth Vader (voiced of course by James Earl Jones) and Grand Moff Tarkin (motion-captured and voiced by Guy Henry, with CG resurrecting the likeness of the late Peter Cushing). Krennic often butts heads with Tarkin in what is probably the film’s best sub-plot, and like anyone who isn’t Palpatine (or Tarkin, I suppose), Krennic cringes in fear at the mere mention of Darth Vader.

With two such iconic villains making a comeback, it further begs the question as to why Krennic couldn’t have been a little more morally ambiguous, since he was never going to be as threatening as either Vader or Tarkin, anyway. Though Krennic is the film’s best original character, he still feels like a missed opportunity.

“My homeboy CG Tarkin.”

Talking of Tarkin, the decision to recreate Peter Cushing as a motion-captured character was a bit polarizing during the film’s release. Many considered the visual effect an example of the uncanny valley, though I personally never found it to be too bad (except maybe the stiff shoulders). Though “CG Tarkin” seems to be a rare instance in which a visual effect looks better on the small screen than it did in theaters.

The visual effects elsewhere also look great, continuing with the trend started with The Force Awakens of combining CG with practical effects to make things (appropriately) look like a modernized take on the world of the original trilogy, as opposed to the prequel/special edition route of CG everywhere for CG’s sake.

Rogue One may have its missteps in the character department, and its over-reliance on A New Hope makes this first standalone Star Wars feature not especially standalone. But it is undeniably a welcome entry in the Star Wars canon. It’s consistently entertaining, visually captivating, and it finds creative technical ways to separate itself from the main Star Wars saga (no opening crawl, transitional screen wipes, etc.). And it’s just refreshing to see a prequel to a Star Wars movie that actually cares about maintaining continuity with the original. For example, in A New Hope, Tarkin mentions the destruction of the planet Alderaan as the first test of the Death Star’s “full power.” Sure enough, every time the Empire uses the Death Star in Rogue One, the film makes a point to acknowledge it’s only a limited taste of its strength. If only the prequel trilogy had committed as much to keeping continuity with the overall plot of the original films as Rogue One does with even such small, throwaway lines like Tarkin’s emphasis on the words “full power” from A New Hope. History may have remembered them more fondly.

Rogue One is a thrilling chapter in the Star Wars universe, one that both enriches the overall mythology and retroactively adds even more heft to the plot of A New Hope (again, if only the prequels could have done something similar). It may not boast the most memorable cast of characters in the franchise, but Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is very much a story worthy of the Star Wars name.

 

7

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith Review

*Caution: This review contains spoilers for both the prequel and original Star Wars trilogies. But if you don’t know the story of Star Wars by this point, well, I don’t know what to tell you.*

By the time 2005 came around, fans were burnt out on the Star Wars prequel trilogy. The disappointment of The Phantom Menace was massive enough, but when Attack of the Clones fell flat and two-thirds of the trilogy left fans sour, the excitement had extinguished. Combine that with the fact that the infinitely superior Lord of the Rings trilogy had been released around the same time, and expectations for the final installment of the Star Wars prequels were low.

When Revenge of the Sith was released in May of 2005, many were surprised to find it a marked improvement over its two predecessors, with some even comparing it favorably to the original trilogy. The latter may be a bit of a stretch, however. Revenge of the Sith, despite having a clearer focus and better narrative than the preceding prequels, still suffers from a number of their same faults.

Set three years after the events of Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith begins in the midst of the Clone Wars. Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) are sent on a mission to rescue Supreme Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), who has been kidnapped by Separatist forces.

The two Jedi infiltrate the flagship of General Grievous (Mathew Wood), a cyborg leader of the Seperatists’ droid armies, where they once again encounter Count Dooku (Christopher Lee). The Jedi do battle with the Sith lord, and during the fight Obi-Wan is knocked unconscious, when Anakin manages to disarm Count Dooku in a most literal fashion. With his opponent defeated, Anakin – at the behest of the chancellor – decapitates Count Dooku (in a little over the thirteen-minute mark, making Dooku yet another underutilized Star Wars villain). Anakin rescues Obi-Wan and Palpatine, but Grievous manages to escape.

When the Jedi return to Coruscant – the capital planet of the Republic – Anakin is confronted by his (secret) wife, Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman), who reveals she is pregnant. The Jedi Council sends Obi-Wan Kenobi on a mission to track down Grievous, while Palpatine – who has become a dictator in all but name by this point – appoints Anakin as his personal representative and informant on the Jedi Council. Though the council allows Anakin to join them, they do not grant him the rank of Jedi Master. Distrusting the chancellor, the Jedi Council then assigns Anakin to report Palpatine’s actions back to them. All the while, Anakin begins to have visions of Padmé dying during childbirth, similar to the visions he had of his mother before her death.

With his mentor Obi-Wan gone, his faith in the Jedi Order shaken by the council’s distrust of his friend Palpatine and what he perceives as a lack of confidence in himself by his peers, as well as his nightmarish visions, Anakin is at a loss. It’s at this point that Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine reveals his secret to Anakin: he is the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious. And with his knowledge of the dark side of the Force, he may hold the power to prevent the death of Anakin’s beloved Padmé.

What’s great about Revenge of the Sith is that it’s a much-more focused movie than either of its preceding episodes, and it makes an honest-to-goodness attempt to get the series back to its roots, while also trying to make it more thematically mature. It isn’t always successful, mind you, but Revenge of the Sith’s attempts to recapture the magic of the original Star Wars trilogy shine through enough to make it a more worthwhile effort than either Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones.

The film opens with a genuinely exciting space battle, which is then followed by equally exciting scenes of lightsabers slashing through droids and, finally, the aforementioned duel with Count Dooku. It’s almost as if the film’s high-octane opening moments are a kind of apology on the part of George Lucas for the profuse amount of scenes involving debates that slowed down its two predecessors.

Granted, the political stuff is still present, but it doesn’t feel so needlessly in the way of the action and adventure the series is known for this time around. Naturally, Revenge of the Sith focuses on Palpatine’s master plan coming to fruition, and sees him ultimately dismantling the Galactic Republic and creating the Galactic Empire. It’s all necessary to the plot and never feels like it drags on this time around.

Of course, the big story at play here is the downfall of Anakin Skywalker and the birth of Darth Vader. The film takes a number of dark, dramatic turns, especially once Palpatine instructs the execution of the Jedi, with Anakin himself carrying out a good deal of it. Of all the Star Wars features, Revenge of the Sith remains the most (appropriately) bleak of the lot. There is, however, one major issue with the fall of Anakin and the rise of Vader…

Hayden Christensen still can’t act!

Okay, so Christensen’s performance may have improved marginally since Attack of the Clones, but it still puts a hamper on what would otherwise be a well told story. And no, Natalie Portman still couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort. So once again, the emotional core of the prequel trilogy still falls dead-flat because the relationship at the center of the story just doesn’t click.

“Hello there!”

Thankfully, the acting is better elsewhere, with Ewan McGregor still holding things together, and Frank Oz’s vocal performance as Yoda is still memorable. On the interesting side of things, Ian McDiarmid seems to completely ham it up this time around. I don’t mean that as a negative, though. There’s a comical, intentional sense of overacting from McDiarmid in this third prequel outing that makes this film’s depiction of Palpatine feel different from his other appearances. I don’t know if it was the reception of the two preceding films that lead McDiarmid to throw caution to the wind, or if he just decided that since this film saw the transition of Chancellor Palpatine to the evil Emperor we first saw in Return of the Jedi, that he should do something different with it. Either way, the end results of McDiarmid’s take on the character in Revenge of the Sith are inarguably entertaining.

The film is also highlighted with a number of fun action sequences. I’ve already addressed the first fifteen or so minutes with its space battles and lightsaber duels, but Revenge of the Sith features a number of other, equally entertaining action scenes. Obi-Wan’s showdown with General Grievous, though admittedly silly at times, is a lot of fun. And the final two lightsaber duels – one between Obi-Wan and the newly-turned Darth Vader, and the other between the two most powerful Force wielders in the series, Yoda and Darth Sidious – are among the best in the franchise (though Yoda welding a lightsaber still looks a bit silly, at least his fight ends up being more Force-driven this time around).

It’s because of these elements – as well as a captivating last few minutes that sees the events of the original trilogy set in motion  (Owen and Beru Lars taking in baby Luke as Obi-Wan goes into hiding on Tatooine; the haunting image of Palpatine, Vader and Governor Wilhuff Tarkin overseeing construction of the Death Star) – that elevate Revenge of the Sith well above the other two entries of the prequel trilogy. With that said, Episode III isn’t quite a return to form.

Along with Christensen and Portman’s acting (or lack thereof), George Lucas’s infamous writing rears its ugly head once again in a very bad way. Though we are mercifully spared of any monologues about sand, some moments that should be dead serious can come across as unintentionally humorous because of the writing. When Obi-Wan confronts his former friend on the fiery planet of Mustafar, the former Anakin Skywalker proclaims that “if you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.” To which Obi-Wan retorts “Only a Sith deals an absolute.” (a statement which, in itself, is very much an absolute). Moments later, when Obi-Wan tries to reason with Anakin that “Chancellor Palpatine is evil” the latter comes back with “From my point of view the Jedi are evil!” Well yeah, we figured that, Anakin. If he believe Palpatine were evil and still believed the Jedi were good, why would he be doing what he’s doing at this point? The audience is smart enough to pick these things up without having the characters literally shout them, George…

“Behold, I have another set of arms! Now excuse me as I slowly stab at you in the same spot with all four arms, which surely won’t make it easy for you to cut off my hands or anything.”

Yet another drawback that’s carried over from the past two episodes is the weird “villain of the week” scenario with the antagonists. Count Dooku was built up pretty strongly in Attack of the Clones before he actually showed up in the film’s third act. Though his screen time was minimal, we assumed he’d have a bigger role this time around. But as mentioned, he’s cleared out of the picture before we even hit the fifteen-minute mark. Then we have General Grievous, a character who is introduced as the “action villain” of the movie, who then spends most of his time on-screen running away from the action. And when he finally does battle with Obi-Wan, revealing a second set of arms, he acts like a total doofus and gets his extra limbs lopped off almost instantly, and is then abruptly killed a few moments later.

What’s weird is that George Lucas has admitted he wanted to go this route with the villains in the prequels. But that begs the question as to why? The same series that brought us arguably the most iconic movie villain ever in Darth Vader suddenly decides its villains aren’t worth developing into memorable characters? I don’t get it.

This goes back to a mistake in The Phantom Menace that, if avoided, could have benefitted the entire prequel trilogy greatly: Darth Maul shouldn’t have died in his first appearance, and should have been in all three prequels! Maul had a great look that set him apart from Darth Vader, and had all the makings of being an iconic villain in his own right. It would have made for a more fluid narrative if Maul – the villain who killed Qui-Gon, a man Anakin idolized – had been the one destined to fall to Anakin Skywalker as Palpatine’s apprentice.

I like Count Dooku, and Christopher Lee is always a bonus, but he never really seemed like a villain who needed to be a Sith, and was seemingly only made into one because Maul got killed off and every villain in the prequels needed to use lightsabers apparently. Plus, it kind of undermines Palpatine’s determination to turn Anakin to the dark side if the Dark Lord of the Sith goes through apprentices like they’re going out of fashion. And why does General Grievous even exist other than to have a new “badass looking bad guy” after Maul and Jango Fett bit the dust? The prequels would have felt more cohesive if they featured at least one consistent villain of their own.

“Don’t get me started on why Palpatine’s lightning morphs his face when Force lightning did nothing remotely like that to Luke in Return of the Jedi. And really don’t get me started on why the Force Lightning makes Palpatine temporarily look like a Who from the live-action Grinch movie.”

Once again, the visual effects are a bit of a mixed bag. I don’t have a problem with CGI, but there’s something about it here in the prequel trilogy that feels overdone. Some of the creatures and locations look great (like Mustafar, which is essentially the final level of a Super Mario game turned into a planet), but others don’t hold up too well (the Clone Troopers don’t look any better here than in Attack of the Clones). On the bright side, the soundtrack is an improvement over that of its immediate predecessor, and features some of the more memorable tracks in the series, which is saying something.

Sadly, there are bigger demons of The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones that are still at play in Revenge of the Sith. Namely, the same kind of strange creative decisions that alter the original trilogy, including some glaring plot holes.

The biggest inconsistency still being why C3-P0 is not remembered by anyone by the time the original trilogy takes place. C3-P0 gets his memory wiped by the end of things, but that doesn’t explain why no one remembers him. This situation is made even stranger in Revenge of the Sith by the fact that R2-D2 does not get his memory erased.This essentially means R2 knows that Darth Vader is Luke’s father, that Leia is his sister, and knows pretty much everything else that’s happened up until now, but never tells anyone because reasons. So I guess R2 is retroactively the Galaxy’s biggest jerk for not telling Luke any of this.

Another unfortunate plot hole is made for Return of the Jedi. In Episode VI, Princess Leia remembers the little she can of her mother to Luke (remembering that she was “very beautiful, kind, but sad”). Except here, we find out that Padmé died about a minute after giving birth to Leia. So who knows how Leia remembers her mother – both in looks and personality -when she only saw her for a brief second as a newborn infant.

Normally, plot holes can be forgiven, but considering these three movies were long-gestating prequels to a well-established narrative, the fact that so many glaring plot holes for the original trilogy are created in the prequels gives the impression that George Lucas didn’t even re-watch his own movies to polish up the story and make a proper connection between trilogies.

To add insult to injury, we also get another instance of the Star Wars Galaxy feeling really, really small and condensed. It’s not as bad as Anakin building C3-P0, but it’s still a bit silly. This particular instance involves Yoda fighting alongside none other than Chewbacca on the Wookies’ homeworld of Kashyyyk. I can accept a cameo of Chewbacca during the fight, but when Yoda blatantly acknowledges him as an an old friend, it’s just another “wow, really?” moment.

“And there he is, the man himself: Darth Vader. I can’t imagine how they could ruin this moment… unless Darth Vader shouted “NO” in an overly dramatic fashion or something.”

Still, I have to admit that these elements aren’t nearly as bad as those featured in the past two films. But it would have been nice if Revenge of the Sith could have avoided these pitfalls, considering all the improvements it makes to its predecessors elsewhere.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith may not have completely redeemed the prequel trilogy, but at least it ended it on a (relatively) high note. It feels different from the other Star Wars films, due to its darker content, but it works in the end. If the entire movie were as good as the last few wordless minutes, Revenge of the Sith may have been one of the best Star Wars features. As it is, well, it’s the best of the prequels, anyway.

 

6

The 900th Blog Spectacularsaurus

 

That’s right, Kevin! I have finally amassed 900 blogs! The road to the big 1-0-0-0 is on!

“I’m kind of like Yoda in a way. Except not at all.”

Thank you, my dear Padawan readers, for sticking around and reading all of my nonsense. You deserve a big round of applause!

I have to admit, I’m going to have to cut this milestone blog a wee bit short. I still have Star Wars and Frozen II reviews to write, not to mention my annual Christmas special. So let’s not drag this out so I can go write those things instead. Don’t worry your pretty little heads, I’ll make up for it in the 1000th blog spectacularsaurus, which I’ll surely make a big deal.

Here’s a gif of Wallace eating a chunk of the moon.

Thanks again for the continued support, dollface! I hope you’re looking forward to those aforementioned reviews, and whatever the new year will bring to the Dojo. Maybe I’ll finally, finally start making progress in video game design, which I can then update here. And maybe I’ll finally start making videos of some capacity in the new year. I’m still not sure what I’ll do for my videos, but seeing as I hate damn near every YouTuber I’ve ever seen, I’ll probably at least try to avoid doing…whatever the hell it is they’re doing. I’ll probably have no audience, but whatever.

I actually have a list of movies and video games (and TV shows!) I plan on reviewing, and have – believe it or not – finally managed to start chipping away at said list. So here’s hoping the next few months prove prosperous for ye old Dojo.

Okay, now I’m turning this milestone post into one of my filler posts. So let’s wrap this up now.  Thanks again for your readership, yadda yadda yadda, gonna write more stuff. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go review Revenge of the Sith…

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones Review

*Caution: This review contains spoilers for both the prequel and original Star Wars trilogies. But if you honestly don’t know the story of Star Wars by this point, well, I don’t know what to tell you.*

After The Phantom Menace was released in 1999 to mass disappointment, the second installment of George Lucas’s Star Wars prequel trilogy had a lot to prove. Audiences held their breath for three years in anticipation whether Episode II would be a return to form for the beloved saga, or a continuing downward spiral following in the wake of The Phantom Menace.

2002 saw the release of Attack of the Clones, and while at the time it was considered an improvement over its immediate predecessor, it was still seen as an underwhelming installment in the Star Wars saga. In the years since, however, Attack of the Clones is often seen as the weakest entry in the entire series. It may feature less Jar-Jar than its predecessor, but Attack of the Clones frequently doubles down on all the other aspects fans despised about The Phantom Menace – from poor writing and flat-out bad acting to a garish overuse of CG and the creation of plot holes for the original trilogy – making Attack of the Clones fall short even of its immediate predecessor.

Set ten years after the events of Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones sees the Galactic Republic shaken by the separatist movement – a collection of different planets and factions throughout the Galaxy planning to separate from the Republic – orchestrated by former Jedi Master Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), who in turn is working under direct guidance of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious. With the Separatists growing, the Galactic Republic is in debate over the creation of an army of their own, as the Jedi are too few in numbers to fight an entire war.

Senator Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman) is set to vote on the military creation act, but quickly becomes the target of multiple assassination attempts. Padmé is then placed under the protection of Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen). Obi-Wan and Anakin thwart a subsequent assassination attempt, with Obi-Wan subduing the assassin who is then killed by her client – the bounty hunter Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison) -before she can reveal his identity to the Jedi.

After some investigating, and consulting with old friend and restauranteur Dexter Jettster (voiced by Ronald Falk), Obi-Wan traces the attacks to the planet of Kamino. Obi-Wan is then sent to said planet for further investigation, while Anakin is to remain by Padmé’s side and escort her back to the planet of Naboo.

While on Kamino, Obi-Wan learns that Jango Fett has served as the basis for a clone army, apparently ordered by the Galactic Republic over ten years prior. Meanwhile, a romance begins to blossom between Anakin and Padmé, though disturbing visions of his mother’s fate on Tatooine leads Anakin back to his old home planet, where Anakin must confront tragedy in a way that will determine his allegiance in the Force.

All the while, Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) is gaining more and more power within the Republic, with senator Jar-Jar Binks (Ahmed Best) – though well-intentioned – being easily duped into granting the chancellor emergency powers, which eventually leads to the utilization of the clone army.

On the plus sides, Attack of the Clones has much less sub-plots going on than its predecessor. While The Phantom Menace often felt like it couldn’t decide which characters should be the focus at any given time, Attack of the Clones simplifies things a bit by being structured around Obi-Wan and Anakin’s respective plots, while occasionally taking a break to showcase the goings-on of the Jedi Council and Galactic Republic. Ewan McGregor remains a highlight, as does McDiarmid, while the Jedi Council’s promoted role gives Yoda (Frank Oz) and Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) more to do this time around. And the addition of Christopher Lee is definitely a plus, even if his character doesn’t really get a whole lot of screen time.

Unfortunately, those highlights are in limited supply. George Lucas seemingly listened to the complaints targeted towards Jar-Jar Binks – giving the bumbling Gungan considerably less screen time than in the previous film – but then seemed to have defiantly ignored the criticisms elsewhere in The Phantom Menace, and doubled down on them with his second go-around in the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

“Find someone who looks at you the way Padmé looks…blankly into the abyss at any given moment.”

Anakin Skywalker may have been poorly-acted by Jake Lloyd in The Phantom Menace, but there’s a bit of leeway when it comes to criticizing bad child actors. But in casting Hayden Christensen as the older Anakin, George Lucas kept the spirit of bad acting alive and well in the series’ central character. Despite being an adult, Hayden Christensen’s acting is way worse than Jake Lloyd’s ever was. Natalie Portman also seems to not give a damn about putting any effort in her performance.

“I don’t ship it.”

To top it off, George Lucas’s writing abilities are at their most egregious here. George Lucas is infamous for his dialogue (to the point that the cast of the original Star Wars trilogy altered the script and birthed most of the series’ most memorable lines), but Attack of the Clones shows us what happens when George Lucas tries his hands at sappy romance, and then relies on Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman to deliver it. Good lord, does it ever provide the cringe!

This romance between Anakin and Padmé is supposed to be the emotional heart of the film, but at its best, it’s laughable. At its worst, it’s downright embarrassing (let us not speak of Anakin’s monologue about sand, or the very uncomfortable way he touches Padmé’s back immediately thereafter). Every time the film switches gears to Anakin and Padmé, it makes you count down the seconds until it switches back to good ol’ Obi-Wan and his far more entertaining, action-filled plot.

The visual effects of the film are also pretty inconsistent. While the inhabitants of Kamino still look impressive these seventeen years later, the clone troopers they create look much less believable, especially when they remove their helmets and we get glimpses of some uncanny valley Temuera Morrisons. Sadly, it was also here that George Lucas decided that Yoda should be just another CG creature in an overly CG world (The Phantom Menace has retroactively replaced its puppet with CG in re-issues, but in its original release, Yoda remained a practical effect). CG Yoda looked unconvincing even back in 2002, a point that was reinforced by the fact the same year brought us The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and properly introduced audiences to Gollum, an infinitely better CG character who still looks impressive today.

It’s not just bad writing and acting, and overly garish visual effects that rob Attack of the Clones of much of its potential charms, but also some questionable creative choices.

For example, it’s a fun idea in theory for Obi-Wan – a character audiences associated with wisdom and experience – seeking guidance with what amounts to a grizzled old diner operator in Dexter Jettster. It’s a fun little detail that, sometimes, even wizards need help from old friends. But the off-putting aspect of Dexter Jettster’s introduction is that his diner is, quite literally, a 1950’s American diner. I can kind of understand the joke Lucas was aiming for, but this is probably the one instance in the series in which the Star Wars universe doesn’t feel like the Star Wars universe. The ‘joke’ may have worked a lot better if Dexter’s diner looked retro within the context of the Star Wars universe. The “Star Wars equivalent” of a ’50s diner, if you will. Instead, it’s literally a 50s diner, but in Star Wars.

That’s probably the least offensive of Attack of the Clones’ wonkier creative choices though. This may be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but seeing Yoda wield a lightsaber and flip around the place in his duel with Count Dooku is far more silly than it is badass. It’s cool to see an entire army of Jedi going into battle, lightsaber’s ignited. But Yoda always seemed like he should be above physical combat. He’s the Jedi master. I can imagine him using the Force in battle when necessary, but trying to make him “cool” with all the flipping and sword-swinging, I don’t know. It just always seemed out-of-character.

Another problem comes when Anakin Skywalker avenges his mother Shmi (Pernillia August). Anakin rescues her from a tribe of Tusken Raiders, only for her to die in his arms. In his rage he slaughters every last Tusken Raider in the tribe, “Not just the men, but the women, and the children too!”

It makes sense from the perspective of Anakin’s downfall and eventual transformation into Darth Vader. But what makes this moment fall flat (aside from, y’know, Hayden Christensen) is that Anakin confesses his mass murder to Padmé, who reacts by… not doing anything, really. The man tells her he killed women and children, and she consoles him as if he were a kid who wrecked their new bike. I can buy that Padmé doesn’t want anything bad to happen to Anakin, but she never so much as questions Anakin’s character again, and everything is back to the same old grind afterwards. He murdered women and children! That’s kind of a red flag that, maybe, this guy’s not worth it, Padmé.

Additionally, much like his son Boba Fett in the original trilogy, and Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace, Jango Fett follows the Star Wars tradition of underutilized villains. He probably has a bigger role in the story than his son did, I have to admit. But Jango Fett still falls victim to the series’ tendency of killing off a villain with all the potential in the world way too soon.

Now we get to Attack of the Clones’ single biggest piece of creative befuddlement. A plot hole so big it actually puts a damper on the original Star Wars film. The seeds for this atrocity were planted in The Phantom Menace, when it was revealed that Anakin Skywalker – Darth Vader himself – built C3-P0. Which is dumb. But now we find out that, after Anakin departed Tatooine, Watto sold Anakin’s mother to a man named Clieg Lars, who freed and eventually married her. She then became the stepmother to Clieg’s son Owen (Joel Edgerton). But when Shmi Skywalker joined the Lars family, she wasn’t alone, and she brought C3-P0 with her. So C3-P0 has, for years by the point he’s reintroduced in Attack of the Clones, been the Lars family’s protocol droid.

Hold on!

In the original 1977 Star Wars feature (or ‘A New Hope’), Owen Lars, the uncle and parental figure for one Luke Skywalker, purchases both R2-D2 and C3-P0 by chance from some Jawas. And given the interaction and dialogue between Owen and 3P0, it’s made abundantly clear that C3-P0 is just another random droid to Owen, indistinguishable from any other potential protocol droid he could have purchased in his eyes. But here, we find out that Owen’s family had owned C3-P0 for a number of years! Yet in A New Hope he’s clearly meeting C3-P0 for the first time?!

Lucas tried to rectify this glaring, C3-P0-shaped plot hole in Revenge of the Sith by having C3-P0’s memory wiped by the end of things. But that doesn’t explain why Owen Lars has no recollection of his history with C3-P0. I’ve been re-watching the Star Wars films in episodic order recently, and by the time I got to the original film, I couldn’t help but laugh at Uncle Owen’s faithful ‘meeting’ with C3-P0. Attack of the Clones retroactively makes an important moment in A New Hope’s plot utterly nonsensical.

Maybe next time you should re-watch your own movies before making prequels to them, Georgie.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones isn’t a total disaster of a movie. I reiterate that Obi-Wan’s plotline features some genuinely fun and exciting action sequences and intrigue. The final battle between the armies of Jedi and clone troopers against the Separatists’ battle droids is quite the sight. There’s a bit more focus here than in The Phantom Menace, and though the soundtrack isn’t one of the better ones in the series, it’s still John Williams so it’s still good.

But Attack of the Clones is unquestionably the weakest entry in the entire saga in retrospect. There’s an underlying arrogance to it on the part of George Lucas, who refused to listen to criticisms targeted at its predecessor and instead emphasized its creative and technical shortcomings all the more in this sequel. And I am usually forgiving of plot holes, because they’re usually forgivable, but the whole C3-P0 paradox at play here is just way too loud and prominent to ignore.

At the time of its release, Attack of the Clones was considered an improvement over The Phantom Menace. In retrospect, it makes me long for the days when Star Wars’s biggest issue was an annoying Gungan.

 

4

Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace Review

*Caution: This review contains spoilers for both the prequel and original Star Wars trilogies. But if you honestly don’t know the story of Star Wars by this point, well, I don’t know what to tell you.*

Rewind the clock back to 1999. It had been sixteen years since Return of the Jedi wrapped up the original Star Wars trilogy, a series that had an unparalleled impact on film and popular culture. The Star Wars universe had expanded to video games, comic books, novels, and other media in that time (remember those made-for-TV Ewoks movies?), building on the overall mythology of the Galaxy far, far away. Of course, fans longed for a return to the film series which started it all, which George Lucas had indeed promised would happen after he retroactively christened the original Star Wars film as “Episode IV,” indicating that a second trilogy, which served as prequels to the originals, had become an inevitability.

After the original trilogy saw theatrical re-releases through their “special editions” in 1997, George Lucas finally began work on his long-promised prequel trilogy, taking on the role of director for the first time since the original Star Wars film. Anticipation for Episode 1’s release in 1999 was unrivaled at the time. Audiences were camped out at movie theaters weeks ahead of release (keep in mind this was still before securing your ticket online was a thing), and fans speculated on how the story would unfold. Obviously, with the fact that this was a prequel series, we all knew where it would eventually end up, but that didn’t stop the excitement of guessing how it would all play out to get there. We all had glimpses of the new and returning characters through the obscene amount of merchandise that preceded the film’s release, and couldn’t help but get excited. How did R2-D2 and C3-P0 meet? How did Palpatine turn Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side of the Force? Was that badass Darth Maul dude going to be this trilogy’s answer to Darth Vader?

Then, in May of 1999, what was surely going to be the biggest movie ever finally happened in the form of Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace.

And it was a bit underwhelming.

“Meeting Jar-Jar Binks…Can’t see how this could go wrong.”

In its day, the disappointment associated with The Phantom Menace was unheard of, and it reverberated to the subsequent prequel entries. While the negative reception back in 1999 may have been a tad extreme, it wasn’t undeserved, either. While the prequel trilogy may not have been the “worst movies ever” that many fans liked to paint them as, they are nonetheless incredibly flawed and clunky films that even create some glaring plot holes for the original trilogy.

Normally, I’m the kind of person who can look past a plot hole, as I understand the immense undertakings required of storytelling and filmmaking mean that mistakes are bound to happen somewhere. But the plot holes created in these Star Wars prequels are so monumentally contradictory to what the original films established, it seems as though George Lucas himself hadn’t seen his own movies to attempt to tie the stories together.

In The Phantom Menace, we are introduced to a young Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), a Jedi ‘Padawan’ under the tutelage of Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson), a Jedi knight whose independence from Jedi traditions leads him to often butt heads with the Jedi council. Although Qui-Gon Jinn is one of the best characters introduced in the prequels, his very existence already creates a plot hole in regards to the original films. In The Empire Strikes Back, we are informed that Yoda was Obi-Wan’s mentor, and that Obi-Wan took on the ill-fated Anakin Skywalker as his apprentice, believing “he could teach Anakin as well as Yoda taught him.” But apparently Yoda didn’t teach Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon did. This could have been rectified in the subsequent prequels, but George Lucas seemingly forgot his own story, and failed to make the established connection between Obi-Wan and Yoda, making their reflections in Empire retroactively seem like the senile ramblings of forgetful old men.

Sorry, am I getting sidetracked? No more than George Lucas did when writing The Phantom Menace, I’d say.

The story here is that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have been sent by the Galactic Republic to negotiate with the Trade Federation, who have blockaded the planet of Naboo as they prepare for a full-scale invasion of the planet. But the Trade Federation is under the influence of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious, who commands the Trade Federation to kill the Jedi and begin their invasion of Naboo.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan narrowly escape the Federation’s battle droids, and return to Naboo to warn the planet of the impending invasion. They end up saving a local “Gungan” called Jar-Jar Binks (Ahmed Best), who manages to sneak the Jedi into the capital city of the planet, where they rescue Queen Amidala, her handmaidens and her royal guard before the Federation’s battle droids completely occupy the city.

The groups’ ship is heavily damaged during the escape from Naboo, and would have been destroyed if not for the efforts of a little astrodroid named R2-D2. Unable to complete their journey to the capital planet of the Republic, Coruscant, the group make an emergency landing on the desert planet of Tatooine to find spare parts and repair their ship. Qui-Gon, Jar-Jar, R2 and Padmé (Natalie Portman) – one of the queen’s handmaidens – investigate the surrounding areas of the planet to find repairs, when they stumble across a young boy named Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd).

Anakin and his mother Shmi (Pernilla August) are slaves owned by the greedy Watto (voiced by Andy Sacombe), who has the parts Qui-Gon is looking for. But Qui-Gon senses there is more to Anakin than meets the eye, detecting an unheard of strength in the Force in the young boy. When Qui-Gon learns that Anakin is an expert ‘Podracer,’ he makes a wager with Watto. If Anakin can win an upcoming Podrace, Watto will not only grant him the repairs he needs, but also free Anakin, as Qui-Gon wishes to teach him the ways of the Jedi, believing Anakin to be the fabled ‘Chosen One’ of legend.

As the film goes on we delve deeper into the political aspects of the Republic, including the ascension of a certain Naboo senator named Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), as well as the Jedi council learning of the reemergence of the Sith after Qui-Gon Jinn encounters Darth Maul (Ray Park), Darth Sidious’s mysterious apprentice.

Admittedly, The Phantom Menace has more merits than it gets credit for. Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor work well in the leading roles, some of the action scenes – such as the Podrace and the final confrontation with Darth Maul – are exhilarating, the musical score (composed by John Williams, naturally) is one of the best in the series, and even though everyone and their grandma may revile Jar-Jar Binks, the character was actually quite groundbreaking for visual effects. Not since Eddie Valiant butted heads with Roger Rabbit had an animated character worked so seamlessly with live-actors, and Jar-Jar helped open the door for CG characters like Gollum and, subsequently, the likes of Davy Jones, Thanos, and countless others. Not all of the visual effects of The Phantom Menace have held up well (other CG aliens, such as the Podracing ‘Dug’ Sebulba, look glaringly fake today), but the ones that do stand the test of time, do so surprisingly well.

Sadly, there are just too many issues holding The Phantom Menace back. Even though it may feel more like a proper Star Wars film than the subsequent entries in the prequel trilogy, it’s so overstuffed with needless, dare I say ‘stupid’ elements, that it still falls flat. Some atrocious writing and acting also don’t help things.

There’s no way around it, George Lucas is a brilliant filmmaker from a technical perspective, and definitely has one of the most influential imaginations in the medium, but the man can’t write dialogue. With the original trilogy, Lucas had other directors and/or actors bold enough to alter some of what he wrote in the script, and made it better. But here it seems Lucas must’ve been surrounded by yes men behind the cameras, and actors in front of it who had too much faith in the director to speak up.

I remember when I first saw The Phantom Menace in theaters at nine-years old on that May Day of 1999. Even at that young age – when The Phantom Menace was a good movie to me by the simple fact that it was Star Wars – some of the dialogue still seemed, for lack of a better word, “dumb.”

I distinctly remember on that day, when the Viceroy of the Trade Federation, believing to have killed Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan with poisonous gas, informs his battle droids that “they must be dead by now, destroy what’s left of them.” Even at nine-years old, that line was just bad. What, did the Viceroy want the droids to shoot the supposed corpses with a barrage of lasers or something? Surely there were many other, better ways to word what amounts to “take no chances.”

The movie is filled with other such goofy lines. “I’m a person and my name is Anakin!” is another standout for all the wrong reasons. It’s like George Lucas wrote the first draft, filled it with basic, placeholder dialogue, and then forgot to revise it and add more flavor and personality.

Another issue with the film is some of the acting is as stilted as Lucas’s writing. Sure, there are good actors here (Neeson, McGregor, McDiarmid), but Natalie Portman’s  portrayal of Padmé has nothing of note to speak of. And while I’m usually a bit easier on child actors for the obvious reason, it unfortunately has to be said that Jake Lloyd was just a bad actor. I feel guilty about saying that, knowing what we do of Lloyd in retrospect, but I’m not gonna lie. There can be legitimately good child actors (see Stranger Things), but Jake Lloyd certainly wasn’t among them, and you have to wonder what George Lucas was thinking when casting the series’ central character.

Perhaps the biggest sin committed by The Phantom Menace is its baffling pacing. There’s just way too many plots going on at any given time. Instead of stopping for a few moments to focus on one story, we continuously switch back and forth between various different character perspectives.

“This fight is so cool! Too bad it keeps getting interrupted every five seconds…”

This is especially egregious in the film’s final act, which sees Qui-Gon and Obi-Won dueling Darth Maul at the same time that Padmé is storming the Naboo palace at the same time that Anakin is inadvertently thrown into a space battle with the Trade Federation’s command ship at the same time that Jar-Jar is leading a Gungan army into war with the battle droids.

The epic duel of Jedi and Sith and the storming of the palace are attempting legitimate action and a hefty emotional weight, while Anakin and Jar-Jar’s bumbling adventures come across as more comedic. And the film switches between each segment at poorly-timed moments. Some fans argue that the finale of Return of the Jedi does something similar. But in Jedi, all the scenes in question share an emotional connection, they’re all dramatic. Here in The Phantom Menace, we’ll go from Darth Maul fatally stabbing Qui-Gon as Obi-Wan looks on in horror, to Jar-Jar tripping over himself and Anakin spinning during a dogfight because “That’s a neat trick.” What are we supposed to be feeling here?

Then of course we have two big questionable character decisions: giving Jar-Jar Binks far too much screen time, and giving Darth Maul far too little.

“Don’t do that again…or anything…ever.”

To be perfectly honest, I don’t innately hate the idea of Jar-Jar. As much as the fanboys would never admit to it, Star Wars is first and foremost a children’s franchise. Having a comical, bumbling sidekick character isn’t exactly out-of-place. The problem is that Jar-Jar is the kind of comic relief that talks down to his target audience. He’s annoying and loud and is involved with a few bathroom gags (now that actually is out-of-place in Star Wars). He was designed with the purpose of appealing to children, but under the belief that children need a loud, obnoxious character to be entertained. It seems strange coming from the same series that brought us the lovable likes of R2-D2 and Chewbacca.

As for Darth Maul, he’s arguably the most underutilized villain in cinema history. I mentioned how, ahead of release, Darth Maul was a particular point of interest. With his red and black tattooed face and horned scalp, Darth Maul certainly looked like a terrific villain. Maul was the right combination of menacing and cool to be a memorable foe, and different enough from Darth Vader to stand as his own character.

Too bad in the film he gets only a handful of minutes onscreen before being unceremoniously sliced in two. Sure, the “expanded universe” would later retcon Darth Maul’s death, shoehorning him back into the fold in the worst way imaginable (he’s gots robot legs now!). But that only cheapens the character further. Much like Boba Fett before him, it was an example of too little, too late. Sometimes, fans just have to accept that a character’s potential was wasted, and bringing them back through such cheap means is a bone not worth being thrown. The simple fact is Darth Maul should have been the Darth Vader of the prequel trilogy. Instead, he was just the villain of the week. Yeah, he looks cool, but that’s literally all he does.

Jar-Jar and Darth Maul’s misgivings are creative decisions I could potential separate from the rest of the film. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the creative choices that create blatant continuity errors with the original trilogy.

I already mentioned how Qui-Gon’s very existence creates a bit of a plot hole with Empire Strikes Back. But at least we got a good character (and Liam Neeson) out of that. Less forgivable is the ludicrous decision that Anakin Skywalker built C3-P0 (Anthony Daniels). Again, this was something that seemed like a stretch back when I was nine. Now that I’m thirty, it just seems all the more ridiculous. Isn’t Star Wars supposed to take place in a vast galaxy? Then why does it seem so incredibly small that it’s centered around such a small group of people who all just happen to know each other? I get that having C3-P0 and R2-D2 be the one consistency throughout the entire saga was George Lucas’s plan from the start. But surely, surely there were better ways to introduce C3-P0 into the fold than having Darth Vader himself be the one to have created him. It just makes the Star Wars galaxy feel so… small. Not to mention it creates the most massive plot hole in the entire series come Attack of the Clones.

Another point of contention with fans is the existence of Midichlorians. As The Phantom Menace quite needlessly tells us, Midichlorians are microscopic organisms that determine whether someone is or isn’t attuned to the Force. Much like Star Wars being a series primarily aimed at kids, another aspect of the series that’s hard for some fans to swallow is that it’s far more rooted in fantasy and fairy tales than it is science-fiction. Although Star Wars has science-fiction elements, this is also a series primarily about space wizards fighting each other with laser katanas.

Trying to give a logical explanation for the Force seems unnecessary, and robs the essence of the series of some of its mystique. It isn’t one of the bigger issues with The Phantom Menace, but Medichlorians are an example of one of the big issues of the prequel trilogy: over-explaining things that really don’t benefit the story or characters! The same goes for most of the political narratives going on in the sidelines. There’s just way too much of it, considering Star Wars was always an action-adventure series. How many people really wanted the fantasy action to pause for the sake of political exposition at every other turn? If I wanted to be bored with science fiction, I’d be watching Star Trek, not Star Wars.

Despite the many, many, many misgivings I have with The Phantom Menace, I do have to reiterate that it can be a fun movie, and unlike the other prequels, it at least feels like a Star Wars movie (just not a particularly good one). I admit that I myself still have a nostalgic soft spot for it. But for all the fun The Phantom Menace can provide, it’s riddled in far too many janky elements – in plot, pacing, writing and acting – and seems so gleefully ignorant and unwilling to maintain continuity with the original series, that it ultimately becomes a mediocre movie. It’s certainly not the vile, “childhood ruining” disasterpiece that fans made it out to be in 1999, but The Phantom Menace – despite some merit – still isn’t a very good Star Wars movie.

 

5

Mario & Wario Review

Before Satoshi Tajiri created a little game called Pokemon, he worked on various other Nintendo games, including Mario spinoffs. Perhaps the strangest game Satoshi Tajiri worked on – and one of the strangest Mario games at that – is Mario & Wario, a puzzle title that was released on the Super Famicom in 1993, but never saw an international release.

Adding to the game’s obscurity is the fact that it is controlled with the SNES mouse, a peripheral so seldom used that many still believe Mario Paint was the only title to utilize it. Despite the game’s title, the player doesn’t control Mario directly in Mario & Wario. You see, the game revolves around the utterly bonkers premise of Wario blinding Mario by – and I kid you not – throwing a bucket on his head (from an airplane, no less). The player then controls a fairy named Wanda, moving her around like the cursor of a computer, and clicking on certain areas to create blocks and platforms for Mario to walk across, or to click on Mario himself to change his direction, with the goal of each stage being to avoid danger and reach Luigi within a time limit, with Luigi then removing the bucket from Mario’s head.

Basically, it’s like the Mario version of Lemmings, but even more bizarre given the setup. Of course, the object on Mario’s head isn’t always a bucket (the item changes depending on which world is currently being played), and in fact it isn’t always Mario that Wanda has to guide to safety (the player can also select Princess Peach and Yoshi, with the former moving slower than Mario and being easy for beginners, while the latter moves the fastest and is essentially hard mode). So the title of ‘Mario & Wario’ isn’t quite accurate.

The game provides eight worlds from the start, which can be selected in any order, Mega Man style, though it probably is still best if first-time players stick to doing them in order, as each subsequent world provides its own twists to the formula, and World 1 is essentially the tutorial (which is a bit disappointing. I feel a tutorial should be its own separate thing). World 9 is unlocked supposedly after completion of all eight others (though in my second playthrough, I played the later worlds first and World 9 became available early. I don’t know if that’s supposed to happen or my earlier playthrough unlocked that option). After World 9, the player will move on to the tenth and final World, which will throw everything at the player.

As stated, each world provides new challenges, like timed blocks (which will turn into solid platforms for only a limited time), ice which makes Mario & company slip and slide, slime that slows them down, and enemies that may throw projectiles at the Mushroom Kingdom heroes. The way in which each world changes up the gameplay and continuously adds new elements keeps the game fresh and is true to the spirit of the Mario franchise. Though there are some stages that get a tad cumbersome, like when they’ll place multiple vertical-moving enemies/obstacles close together, leaving the player to repeatedly click on Mario in between said objects to continuously change his direction since you can’t make him stop outright. Things like that feel more like a test of patience than puzzle-solving.

Each world consists of ten stages, and a final showdown with Wario. Unfortunately, these ‘showdowns’ are probably the biggest disappointments in the game. They aren’t actual boss fights, because Wario can’t damage you or anything. He just flies back and forth across the screen in his airplane, and the player simply has to keep clicking on him for Wanda to damage his plane and earn coins. And they’re all like this, there’s no variety in them. With all the varied elements that get thrown into the stages, it would have been nice if the developers had implemented an array of legitimate boss fights at the end of each world.

If you’re wondering what the coins are for, they actually play the same role as in most Mario games, with every 100 coins granting an additional life. Coins can also be found in Coin Blocks, which Wanda needs to click on this time around, since Mario’s obscured vision apparently also prevents him from jumping. The player can gain also gain more lives by guiding Mario (or Peach, or Yoshi) into collecting the four stars scattered across each stage, or by picking up the rare one-up mushroom. You can also add more time on the clock by collecting an equally infrequent super mushroom (this has to be the only instance in the history of the franchise in which stars are a far more common collectible than mushrooms).

This is unfortunately another letdown with the game. In the eight standard worlds, the player can restart from the same stage in the same world even after a game over, leaving you to wonder what importance the extra lives actually have. Well, it’s important to hold onto those extra lives until the endgame, because if you get a game over at any point in world 9 or 10, you have to start back from the beginning of world 9. 

Unfortunately, this can become pretty darn tedious. Mega Man does something similar, with the player needing to start over from the beginning of Dr. Wily’s castle should they get a game over after the eight standard stages have been completed. But there it’s more understandable because it’s an action game. It’s like, okay, you beat me this time, but now I’m going to pick myself up and dust myself off for the rematch. But here in a puzzle game, it’s kind of annoying. As if you were taking a quiz, got every answer correct except the last one, and then needed to go back and redo the questions you already got right just for another chance at the one you got wrong. I can’t help but feel that maybe this game didn’t need a lives system, and it would have been best had collecting the stars unlocked secret levels or something.

Still, even with the game’s simplicity and its drawbacks, it’s still a lot of fun. The puzzle designs are clever, the graphics are crips and colorful, the music is fun, the gameplay is always changing things up, and the sheer absurdity of the concept itself is charming. Despite all of the game’s text being in English, Mario & Wario was never officially released outside of Japan. But if you have a Super Famicom, Mario & Wario isn’t too pricey or hard to find, and probably worth a look. It may not be one of Mario’s finest adventures, but he’s certainly never had another one quite like it.

 

6

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair Review

In 2015, a small development studio called Playtonic Games – comprised of several former members of Rare – revealed Yooka-Laylee through Kickstarter. Yooka-Laylee was a 3D platformer that served as a ‘spiritual successor’ to the Banjo-Kazooie games, which are still seen as some of Rare’s finest achievements, and more than likely the only only 3D platformers not called Mario that genuinely compare to the Italian plumber’s fabled adventures. With the creators of such a beloved series crafting its spiritual follow-up, suffice to say Yooka-Laylee’s crowdfunding campaign was a roaring success.

Fast-forward to 2017 to the release of Yooka-Laylee, and the game’s final reception was unfortunately a lot more mixed than the game’s initial success would have suggested. Though it was a solid effort, a number of technical issues and a few outdated elements prevented Yooka-Laylee from reaching its full potential. Though far from a bad game, it wasn’t the second coming of Banjo-Kazooie we all had hoped it would be.

Thankfully, Playtonic didn’t let the disappointing reception hinder them, and in the Summer of 2019 they announced a surprise sequel, Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair, which was released a few months thereafter. Unlike its predecessor, Impossible Lair is a 2D side scrolling platformer akin to Rare’s Donkey Kong Country trilogy on the SNES. Though Playtonic has insisted to not refer to Impossible Lair as a ‘spiritual successor’ to DKC as they did with its predecessor and Banjo-Kazooie as to avoid setting this sequel up for disappointment, it actually is a strong improvement over its predecessor, and a worthy follow-up to the Donkey Kong Country series.

It’s apparent that Playtonic has learned from Yooka-Laylee’s missteps. While we can hope that means their next 3D platformer will be a real winner (especially considering that genre could do with another classic outside of Mario after all these years), Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair is such a strong 2D platformer that it should do away with any skepticisms people may have had towards Playtonic after their maiden voyage, and re-establishes Yooka-Laylee as a viable video game franchise.

While Rare were the developers of the original Donkey Kong Country trilogy on the SNES, that series was eventually passed on to Retro Studios during the 2010s. Retro Studios resurrected the series with Donkey Kong Country Returns on the Wii, and made the series their own with the masterful Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze on Wii U (and later Switch). While Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair pays homage to Rare’s SNES Donkey Kong Country titles that many of Playtonic’s team members helped create, it also seems to be a loving tribute to Retro Studios’ efforts with the series. In particular, Impossible Lair seems to be doing its best at a game of one-upmanship with Tropical Freeze. Although Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair can’t quite match up to Tropical Freeze, it is undoubtedly the best 2D platformer to be released since.

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair sees the return of Yooka the chameleon and Laylee the bat, as well as their enemy Capital B, who is trying to takeover the “Royal Stingdom” of bees with the use of his new bee mind-controlling scepter. To ensure Yooka and Laylee can’t stop him for a second time, Capital B. has constructed the titular Impossible Lair, an insanely difficult platforming stage that will push Yooka and Laylee (and thus, the player) to their limit.

Similar to the DKC games, both characters essentially serve as a hit point. Get hit once, and Laylee flies away (though there are a few seconds where she can be recovered, and should you lose her, you can bring her back by ringing a Laylee bell). Get hit twice, and Yooka dies. Fall down a bottomless pit, and it’s instant defeat.

To survive the Impossible Lair, Queen Phoebee – the matriarch of the Stingdom – can grant the duo of Yooka and Laylee the aid of her royal guard, who provide a shield for the heroic duo, with each royal guard serving as an additional hit point for the shield. But there’s a catch, the royal guard have all been imprisoned by Capital B.

This is where Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair draws some inspiration from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Should the player have the skill/patience, it actually is possible to head straight into the Impossible Lair and, yes, even beat it (though the challenge is so incredibly steep you may have to be crazy to try that). Or you can experience more of the game, rescue the royal guards, and use them to create the shield for Yooka and Laylee. There are forty-eight royal guards in to be found in total, but again, you can attempt the Impossible Lair at any time, no matter how many guards you’ve rescued.

It’s a seemingly simple twist to the genre, but one that ultimately makes for a great change of pace. The concept of the final level being readily available from the start of the game, with the completion of the other stages giving the player more strength to brave said final level, might be the most refreshing twist to the progression of 2D platformers since Super Mario World introduced multiple stage exists and branching paths in its world map. It’s easy to imagine player’s seeking the toughest challenge trying to conquer the Impossible Lair from the get-go, though I’m on the side of the fence that believes a game is best when you experience it to its fullest.

The other big twist Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair brings to 2D platformers is its overworld. Instead of a map screen to select stages, Yooka and Laylee are thrown into a connected world that takes on a top-down, overhead perspective, akin to the 2D Legend of Zelda titles. New stages are found throughout the overworld, and usually require the player to solve a puzzle in order to unlock them. Additionally, each of the game’s twenty stages (not counting the Impossible Lair) features an alternative version, which feels like a more fleshed-out realization of the ‘level expansion’ concept from the first Yooka-Laylee.

While these changes Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair makes to 2D platforming progression are very much appreciated, I must admit most of the game’s drawbacks come from its overworld. Though the idea of unlocking platforming levels in a Zelda-style overworld is a great concept, the puzzles found in said overworld can sometimes be a bit cryptic, and it can often be vague as to where you’re supposed to go next, which prevents the concept from reaching its full potential.

Thankfully, the stages themselves are far better realized. As stated, these are the best side scrolling platformer stages since Tropical Freeze, with levels constantly introducing new gameplay elements into the mix, and the alternate forms of each stage providing even more variety. One stage may get flooded in its alternate form, while another gets flipped on its side. One stage gets frozen over, while a conveyor belt-themed stage will move in reverse the second time around. The twenty proper stages – and their alternate forms – all feel distinct from one another, feel lengthy without ever overstaying their welcome, and are consistently creative.

Quills return as the equivalent of Mario’s coins or Banjo’s music notes (or I suppose most accurately in this case, Donkey Kong’s bananas). Also returning are the Tonics from the first Yooka-Laylee. Quills are found all throughout the stages and overworld, while Tonics are found exclusively in the overworld (sometimes very well hidden), and often require puzzle-solving and Yooka’Laylee’s acrobatics to find.

Once the player finds a Tonic, they use the quills they’ve found to purchase them. The player can equip up to three Tonics at a time. You can unlock the ability to equip four Tonics, but the downside to this is that the process of unlocking the fourth Tonic slot will take you towards the 100% completion mark, and you may wonder why you need that additional Tonic when the game is that close to being finished.

The Tonics provide new twists to the gameplay, or simply change the aesthetics of the game itself. The cosmetic Tonics might change Yooka and Laylee themselves (like giving Yooka a comically oversized head, or making both members of the duo silhouetted), or change the visuals of the stages themselves (such as comic book graphics or heavily pixelated filters). The gameplay Tonics can either help the heroic duo (like giving Yooka more time to reclaim Laylee after she flies away), or hinder them (such as giving enemies an additional hitpoint or reversing the player’s controls).

You may wonder why you would want to equip Tonics to hinder Yooka and Laylee, other than to provide an extra challenge for those looking for it. There’s actually a valid reason for it: the Tonics that make the game more difficult will add to the quills you gain during a stage, while the beneficial Tonics will subtract from them (the cosmetic Tonics thankfully don’t alter your quill count at the end of a level). Again, it’s a fun twist on the traditions of the genre.

Whether or not you like to play with visual-altering Tonics or not, Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair is quite the aesthetic treat. The graphics look as smooth as the first game, but likely due to the simpler 2D setting, it doesn’t suffer from the same technical blips. The levels look great and the backgrounds are lovingly detailed. It’s just a beautiful game to look at (though I must admit some of the cosmetic Tonics could be a little eye-straining for me).

Like its predecessor and the DKC titles its emulating, Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair also features a top notch soundtrack. Banjo-Kazooie composer Grant Kirkhope provided the overworld theme, while fittingly enough, Donkey Kong Country composer David Wise created a number of tunes for the game’s stages. It’s a lovely, atmospheric soundtrack, with the David Wise pieces sounding like a direct follow-up to the composer’s work on Tropical Freeze.

The game as a whole feels like it’s aiming to be a follow-up to Tropical Freeze in a gaming landscape that’s desperately starved of one. Though it undoubtedly follows the rulebook that many of Playtonic’s staffers themselves created with the SNES Donkey Kong Country titles, Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair feels every bit as much a love letter to Retro Studios’ second Donkey Kong offering. It’s only fitting then that Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair is the first 2D platformer to come around since Tropical Freeze that can rightfully be compared to it. That in itself is one hell of an achievement.

 

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