Top 5 Third-Party Characters Who Should NEVER be in Super Smash Bros.

I’ve already written lists of characters I’d like to see added in Super Smash Bros. as DLC, and specified my top five most-wanted third-party characters. But with the Smash Bros. character ballot ending today, I’d figured I’d make another, much more unpleasant list. These are the top five third-party characters who I fear some troubled souls have actually voted for, despite their not belonging/deserving to be in the series, or just flat-out being lame characters.

 

5: Master Chief (Halo series)

"Take it easy, Master Chief! You're still cool!"

“Take it easy, Master Chief! You’re still cool!”

I love Halo. I really do. It’s one of the most consistently fun and deep FPS series out there. So much so that it’s an FPS series I still enjoy playing despite my overall loss of interest in the genre.

But why exactly should Master Chief be in Super Smash Bros? There are still a fair number of people who want him in there, but why? He has literally zero connection to Nintendo, and putting him in the game would just be advertisement for a competing console. Not to mention Nintendo is adamant about no guns in Smash Bros. (save the ray gun and Super Scope 6). When Solid Snake was in Brawl his guns were removed in favor of the more tactical side of the character. But Master Chief is all guns. What could they do with him?

A cool character from a great series. But he has no place in Smash Bros.

 

4: Any Indie Character Who Isn’t Shovel Knight (Various)

 

"Go on and cry because YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!"

“Go on and cry because YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!”

I get it. Indie games are a thing now. But just because most of them seem to replicate the same kind of old school feeling of Nintendo games doesn’t automatically give them Smash cred. Just because they have a tendency to take the blueprints of Super Mario and add in a heap of pretentiousness their own twists doesn’t mean they’ve earned their spot.

The only indie game that I feel perfectly captured that “Nintendo feeling” is Shovel Knight. In fact, I might say that it’s the only modern game that can rank among the best 8-bit games. It’s the best NES game never to have been released on NES.

But as awesome as Shovel Knight might be, even he might be a bit early in his resume (seeing as he’s not a Nintendo character) to be put in Smash Bros. against some other contenders. But at least he’d fit in, seeing as he comes without the self-righteousness or quasi-gross out humor of his indie contemporaries. You know who I’m talking about!

 

3: Sora (Kingdom Hearts)

 

"NO!"

“NO!”

Sure, Kingdom Hearts has had various spinoff titles on Nintendo’s handhelds, but who cares? Notice how Kingdom Hearts 3 is being treated like the return of a long-dormant series, even though there’s been a small army of Kingdom Hearts titles released since Kingdom Hearts 2. That’s because no one cares about the handheld spinoffs (except for the lot who has the Bizarro World belief that anything Tetsuya Nomura touches is good). Sora’s presence on Nintendo consoles has been nothing but filler, and has only served to send the convolution of the series’ plot into the stratosphere.

Do I even need to bring up the fact that his buddies Donald Duck and Goofy are way cooler than he is? Even Winnie the Pooh is more badass! And don’t even get me started on the legalities between Square and Disney.

Plus, do we really want another spiky-haired anime dude in Smash? Do we not have enough of those already?

 

2: Cloud (Final Fantasy VII)

Cloud

“Hey look! It’s every Tetsuya Nomura character ever!”

 

 

Don’t give the weaboo what they want! Don’t do it, Sakurai! They don’t deserve to be catered to!

Look, I understand that Final Fantasy VII is a beloved game (if maybe more than a little overhyped compared to many of its predecessors and successors). But seriously, his only presence on any Nintendo console have been bit parts in the aforementioned handheld Kingdom Hearts titles. And well, see above.

Besides, it’s not even like Cloud would be the best Final Fantasy representation for Smash Bros. I know  those Nomura fanboys would whine about this, but honestly, the best Final Fantasy representation in Smash Bros. would just be a basic Black Mage or White Mage or something along those lines.

Not to mention Cloud is more commonly associated with Playstation. So again, what incentive does Nintendo have to add this character over so many others? Need I repeat… Spiky-haired anime dude! No more! Please!

"At least when Cloud looked like clumps of dough he had some charm about him..."

“At least when Cloud looked like clumps of dough he had some charm about him…”

 

1: Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog series)

 

*Cue long, drawn-out sigh*

*Cue long, drawn-out sigh*

Lord help us all if Shadow the Hedgehog gets voted in.

Cool to 12-year old boys, creepy Sonic weaboos, and no one else, shadow the Hedgehog is the bottom of the video game character barrel. Not only is he just another member of the infinitely tired anime trope of a “dark” lookalike of a main character (a spot that’s already needlessly filled in Smash Bros. by Dark Pit), but the downward spiral of the Sonic the Hedgehog series can be linked to the character’s introduction. At that point, it seemed like Sega’s main focus was no longer making good Sonic games, but introducing a bunch of goofy animal characters and giving them generic anime personalities that they magnified by emphasizing story over gameplay.

Not to mention that Sonic already kind of has the least imaginative moveset in Smash Bros. (he spins… a lot!), and it’s easy to imagine Shadow would just have a cloned moveset. But, y’know, “dark and edgy.” Uggh.

For one thing, there really doesn’t need to be any more Sonic characters in Smash Bros. But if there were to be another, it should be Dr. Robotnik. Or Eggman. Whatever he’s called. He’s fine.

Shadow already tainted one series, we really don’t need him doing the same for another.

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7 thoughts on “Top 5 Third-Party Characters Who Should NEVER be in Super Smash Bros.

  1. revaryk

    And now! My opinion on your entries.
    5. Yep. Pretty much. Master Chief, as cool as he is, has no chances of getting in Smash.
    4. So true. Just so true.
    3. Yeah. If there’s one thing getting on my nerves, it’s the KH fanboys asking for Sora in smash. If you ask me, he’s a decent character, nothing special. But for him to get in SMASH BROS? Ugh… I hate the Kingdom Hearts fanbase sometimes…
    2. Same as Sora. I’m not a big fan of cloud. Nor Final Fantasy 7 either (I prefer Final Fantasy 4.)
    1. Agreed. I think Shadow would just end up what he was intended to be- A clone of Sonic.
    As for my choices for a third-party character who don’t need to be in Smash…
    Shrek. Sure he’s technically not third-party, but NOBODY WILL STOP REQUESTING HIM. Even worse is someone mentioning that stupid fanfiction/meme as a reason to have him join. I could vent that all day, but that’s another story.
    Anyways, nice article.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Red Metal

    The key element behind Shovel Knight’s success is that it uses the 8-bit motif to forge a unique identity. A problem a lot of these retro-style games make time and again is that they leech off of nostalgia and the identities of others. While that may appeal to some, it just means that newer generations will have no context with which to appreciate them.

    On another subject, I’d say giving into fan demand is something creators have to be careful about doing. It seems like a good general rule is that the more volatile a fandom is, the less of a good idea it is to follow what they say. At that point, it’s basically a case of the inmates running the asylum. I say it’s a general guideline and not a cast-iron rule because even the most obnoxious fanbases have good points every now and again, so completely dismissing what they have to say might not be the best idea either. It’s a judgement call to be sure, but at the end of the day, fans need to know their place; they can suggest ideas, but they’re not allowed to throw tantrums when things don’t go their way.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. themancalledscott Post author

      Well said. Shovel Knight is simply a well executed game all around.

      And I agree completely. I know it’s popular these days to act like the creators of video games (or movies, or anything) somehow owes their fanbase something, but they really don’t. The creators create, and fans appreciate, that’s the circle right there.

      Fandoms, I feel, are overly demanding and self-entitled. And lord knows if they had their way, everything they claim to like wouldn’t have any actual stories or characters, and everything would just be illogical, cheesy, quasi-perverted “romances” between any and every character. *Shudders*

      I do think simple things like a fan vote for a character in a fighting game is something that could work though. Provided the characters who get the most attention make sense. If not, than I think the creator has every right to go down the ladder and find the most popular characters who DO make sense.

      This is another statement that would make me hated by the masses, but I really think fans need to just appreciate the things they like, instead of trying to control them. If they want, they could always create their own stories and characters (hypothetically speaking, of course. Not everyone can make a worthwhile story, but they can give it a shot). I agree, fans need to know their place, and stop trying to twist the work of others to better fit their convenience.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Red Metal

        Members of these fandoms can be sent into a rage from people expressing opinions that don’t completely match up with what’s acceptable to them – even if what’s acceptable to them would be considered abhorrent to a normal person. It doesn’t matter if the outsiders do so respectfully and without using offensive language, the fans will act as though they ran over their pets or something.

        Also, you’re absolutely right, if fans had their way, the stories they complain about so much (yet never abandon for some reason) would only become worse. That’s why it’s important for creators to put their foot down. Sure, some of their ideas will have detractors, but if they’re good ones, history will vindicate them and the naysayers will be proven wrong.

        That’s why I don’t think being hated by these groups of people is worth worrying about too much. I think I would rather be hated for stupid reasons than praised for stupid reasons. Stupid reasons don’t hold up with time. It really says something about what thin skin these people possess that this comment thread would have gotten us banned from certain forums.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. alex9234

    “It’s a judgement call to be sure, but at the end of the day, fans need to know their place; they can suggest ideas, but they’re not allowed to throw tantrums when things don’t go their way.” – Tell that to the Shin Megami Tensei, Fire Emblem, Smash Bros. and Metroid fanbases. What you’ve said is very true. It’s like whenever the ask for something, and they get it, and it’s not what they expected, they just whine and complain. You never listen to your fans in business. They simply don’t know what they want.

    “We want Metroid!”, “No, not that Metroid…”
    “We want Shin Megami Tensei X Fire Emblem!”, “No, not that SMT X FE…”
    “We want that 3rd party character in Smash!”, “No, not that 3rd party character…”
    “We want something new!”, “No, not that something new…”

    You don’t listen to fans who ceaselessly complain about everything. Nintendo and Sakurai are well aware of this, and knows that nothing people complain about impacts their bottom line at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Red Metal

      That sounds about right. Though I think I may have inadvertently described about fifty different fandoms. That’s why it’s best to form your own opinions rather than blindly agree with the fandom hive mind – especially when this brand of doublethink is prevalent.

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. Pingback: My Disappointment in Cloud Being in Super Smash Bros. | Wizard Dojo

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